Bill: "Hey Mark how hot are the varicose veins on that chick."
Mark: "Bill, this Sabretooth fetish of yours has gotta stop, but I could probably titty fuck that broad from about two feet away."
By the way, DO NOT look up varicose veins on Google images. Also, coming soon will be an accompanying dictionary for all the new vocabulary originating in the Kill Bosby blog.
Some more Kill Bosby feedback comes from the Tan Man out of Stamford, Connecticut. Tan Man writes, "Really enjoy the blog Bosby, but what exactly are your intentions with it?" Fair question Tan Man. "The City of Broken Dreams" is meant to capture the spirit of a generation trying to cope with the realities of the real world. Virtually nobody I graduated college with is now pursuing the dreams and hopes I heard them once talk so optimistically about. And I'm only out of college less than two years. It's seems as if everyone immediately settled once they got out of college. In a country where jobs are scarce and student loans are bearing down on you, its completely understandable that overqualified college graduates seized onto the few paying jobs that were available. Others panicked and decided that grad school was the way to go. "For what I want to do, I need to go to grad school." Others try to convince themselves that their current jobs are merely temporary. But how long is temporary? That's why this blog is called the City of Broken Dreams. Everyday I encounter dozens and dozens of people, some my age and many much older who for some reason or another just gave up on their ambitions. This is not a sad tale however. Life is all about what you rebuild out of those broken dreams. Sorry for the rant Tan Man, but what I hope to convey in this blog is all of the indecisiveness, concerns, joys, and experiences of that period of our lives where the road is not yet mapped out.
FUCK that was depressing. So where did we leave off yesterday. Ah yes, my goals for this my second year in Los Angeles. In no particular order here are my four goals.
- Act in something. I know this sounds vague but I have considered doing some acting for some time now. So far I have had two bizarre close calls with acting in Los Angeles.
- First, I was walking to my car when a neighbor of mine stopped me to ask some questions. Next thing I know the guy's telling me his life story. I'm fading in and out but I pick up some part about him doing the sound mixing for one of the later Devo albums. SIDENOTE: people in LA have a tendency to overcompensate and exaggerate any achievements they may have accomplished. You know inside they are sad that they haven't accomplished more so you just humor him. When I finally gain consciousness after this twenty minute conversation, the neighbor is talking about some reality show pilot he's shooting. Think hidden camera show. And he wants me to be in one of the segments. According to him I would be running through downtown LA during lunch hour while a dozen supermodels chase me and try and rip off my clothes. The budget was really cheap and he needed a cheap actor for the part. I agreed (unfortunately). This guy was super creepy by the way. Like "it puts the lotion on it's skin" creepy. Next thing I know he's asking for my clothes measurements and shoe size. Luckily, one day he disappeared and I never saw him again. Also, NEVER tell your mother you got cast in a pilot because she will begin to tell everyone in your hometown that your a star when really your just an actor in your disturbed neighbor's Boner mixtape.
- The other time I was walking to dinner when a female casting agent a little older than me stopped me and started asking questions. I thought she was hitting on me when really she was seeing if I would audition for a new game show on the E Network. The pay was $500 and I never turn down new experiences so I said why not. So I go to the audition and quickly realize that it's a new version of the show Blind Date and it's sponsored by Jerry Springer. I asked to go to the bathroom and then proceeded to sprint to my car in the parking garage
2. Write a complete script. Every guy out here claims to be a writer, but I would like to FINISH a screenplay. Fuzzy's already shot down my idea for an action comedy starring Al Pacino and Sean Connery as commercial airline pilots called The Buddy System. Guess it's back to the drawing board.
3. Move forward with my rib clips idea. What are rib clips you may ask??? Well, think corn cob holders but for ribs. Now you can enjoy the great taste of ribs without any of the mess. Fuck you if you try and argue that being messy is part of eating ribs. Just look at my first infomercial. Picture a bride trying to enjoy her favorite food, ribs, on her wedding day. But oh no! she's getting barbecue sauce all over her beautiful dress. POOF! She appears eating her ribs with the help of rib clips, her dress still perfectly white. "Thanks Rib Clips!" she exclaims. The infomercial will end of course with her tossing the rib clips over her shoulders to all the hungry bridesmaids trying to eat ribs next. Do not even think of stealing this idea. I have a patent pending and I've seen the Social Network.
4. Lastly, I will try and seize on to every opportunity and adventure that presents itself over the next year. Ambiguous I know, but since I've come to LA my goals in life have been demolished and all I know is that I want to gain as much different life experience as possible. I'm hoping to be like a non-retarded version of Forrest Gump.
Well Bosbonites, we've had some laughs and we've shared some tears tonight. Keep up with the feedback and please share the blog with your friends and coworkers. I know this blog reads like the Wall Street Journal with its lack of pictures. I'm working on it.
Till tomorrow,
*Bosby* (Tune of the day: "People, Turn Around" by Delta Spirit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTX8_FC9tp4 )
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