To me the funniest few minutes on television each week are not on a sitcom or late night talk show. Rather the part of the week when I laugh the most is during the three minute segments 60 minutes allots to Andy Rooney at the end of their show. It is during this time that he bitches and moans about the most absurd shit. Below is a video on how he doesn't get today's music. Trust me, you can spend all day listening to him talk about things like why people aren't more fluent in the Dewey decimal system and what is the deal with Uggs. It looks like the producers of 60 minutes locked him in a broom closet full of dusty books with nothing but a grey flannel suit and a video camera. "Where are you guys moving me???? This isn't my office!" Every week they come by to collect his video submission, which they then have to edit in order to remove all his racist and sexist comments. "You ever notice how women aren't as good of cooks as they used to be?" Alright, Mr Rooney, that's enough.
Which brings me to my newest Bosby segment called "Lil Rooney". Here I will be able to emulate my biggest idol and comment on some of the things that I find perplexing in today's world. In today's post I would like to address answering machine messages. The first answering machines in the US were sold in 1960. So you mean to tell me that after fifty years of people leaving messages, that voicemails would still need to give instructions on how to leave a voicemail. Jesus, of course I know how to leave a voicemail. What do you think, I'm going to hear the beep and go "Wait what does the beep mean? Shit!" "Please leave you name, number, and a brief message, and I'll be sure to get back you." What do you think I'm going to leave? Here's my dentist's address, information on a sale at Bed, Bath and Beyond, and an impression of local weatherman Glen 'Hurricane' Schwartz that I've been working on. I never leave messages because I can't sit through the voicemails. This especially applies to automated voicemail systems that take 25 minutes to read out a ten digit telephone number like its a bingo caller for senior citizens. Just leave a message saying "This is Bosby" so people know they reached the right number. I'm sure they will leave you the proper information. O Lil Rooney you such a curmudgeon.
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